I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
