I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
