not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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