so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
