i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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