For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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