So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
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I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
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Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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