She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
