Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
