Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
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when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
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