standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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