I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
