Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
