Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
