I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize