Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
After last night, I could never be a politician.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Randomize
