the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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