After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
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I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
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I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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