why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
