You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
