I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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