**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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