I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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