i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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