Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
