my being single is dangerous.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
