about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I want a musical about memes.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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