There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
