you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
