I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
