he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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