Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Let's get the cat blown out
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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