she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
