i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Randomize
