I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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