I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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