Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
