Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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