ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
