I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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