Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
