there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
