that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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