I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
