is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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