So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Randomize
