hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
