there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
