Im at strip club and am horny
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Randomize
