If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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