By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Randomize
