Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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