I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
