Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
