eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
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