Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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