i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
