i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
