Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
there is puke in my bra ... again
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