i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
