I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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