I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
