Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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