you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Hippo gnu deer
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
