we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
3pm strippers are depressing
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
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