honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
