haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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