So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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