I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
