Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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