i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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