I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Welp...herpes.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
