I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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