Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
