I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
